Being a father to children with high needs is a journey unlike any other, one that often leaves me feeling inadequate, overwhelmed, and utterly exhausted. But amidst the struggles and the tears, there's a strength that emerges, a strength born out of love, determination, and unwavering commitment to my family.
The emotional toll of parenting special needs children is indescribable. There are days when I question if I'm good enough, if I'm strong enough to handle it all. The constant fear of failure looms over me like a dark cloud, whispering doubts into my mind. It's a silent battle that rages within, leaving me feeling isolated and alone.
I'll admit, there are moments when I feel like I'm failing. When one of my children has a meltdown in public, and I'm left scrambling to calm them down while the judging eyes of strangers bore into me, I can't help but wonder if I'm cut out for this. The truth is, I have to remind myself that it's okay to feel this way. It's okay to doubt myself; I am only human. But what's important is finding the strength to keep going, to keep fighting for my children, no matter how tough it gets. For if I dive deep into the emotion of my self-doubt, it’s because I want the best for my kids. It hurts me to see them in meltdown mode and knowing what others are saying about them, I have heard it time and time again in the snide remarks of strangers.
PTSD is often associated with soldiers returning from war zones, but what many people don't realize is that parents of special needs children can also suffer from this debilitating condition. The constant stress, the never-ending worry, it takes its toll on our mental health. Yet, so many of us suffer in silence, unaware of the invisible wounds we carry. According to a study published in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders in 2018 by Jones et al., parents of children with ASD reported significantly higher levels of PTSD symptoms compared to parents of typically developing children. This underlines the need for greater awareness and support for parents facing similar challenges. This is true for parents of children with any form of high needs.
As fathers, we're taught to be strong, to never show weakness. But the truth is, it's okay to ask for help. It's okay to admit that we're struggling. And it's okay to put ourselves first sometimes. Taking care of our mental and physical health is crucial, not just for ourselves, but for our children too.
So, what can we do to cope with the challenges of parenting special needs children? It starts with simple steps—taking time for ourselves, seeking support from friends and family, and reaching out to professionals for help when needed. It's about recognizing our own limits and knowing when to ask for help.
Simplicity is key to help us cope when shit has hit the fan. That is why I love the box breathing technique:
breathe in for 4,
hold for 4,
exhale for 4
hold for 4
Repeat 4 times, or as long as you need
Another is the senses check in
name 5 things you can hear
4 things you can see,
3 things you smell
2 things you can feel
and 1 thing you can taste
Don't just go for the first things that come up take your time and discover more, what can you hear in the background? what smells are hidden amongst the others. These two techniques won't only benefit yourself but they are great to get your kids to do when they are in a hightened state. It simple, doesnt take long, helps reset the nervous system and brings us back to the present.
For me, going out in public with my children used to be a source of anxiety. The fear of them having a meltdown would send my heart racing, and I'd constantly worry about what other people would think. But over time, I've learned to recognize the triggers that set off my children's reactions and how to help them cope. It's a journey of learning and growth, one that I'm still navigating every day.
To all the fathers out there who are walking this same path, know that you're not alone. You are stronger than you realize, and you are doing an incredible job, even on the toughest days. Reach out for help when you need it, and never underestimate the power of your love for your children. Together, we can overcome any obstacle that comes our way.
In the end, it's not about being perfect. It's about being there for our children, supporting them, and loving them unconditionally. And sometimes, just showing up and being present is enough. If you're ready to take the next step in your journey and explore how I can support you, book a clarity call today. Let's chat about your challenges, goals, and how we can work together to create a plan that's tailored to your needs.
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